Today, I decided to do some googling about those little red bumps that I get on my upper arms, and I fell down a long, demented rabbit hole. The skin condition is called "keratosis pilaris," and there are people who swear that it can be cured by swishing oil around in your mouth. Apparently, "oil pulling" for 20 minutes a day is also supposed to whiten your teeth, strengthen your gums, make your skin glow and cure AIDS, among other things. I am not making this shit up. Have you people heard of this? After reading through message boards until my eyes dried up and rolled out of their sockets, my two thoughts were:

I can't believe these people are serious.
and
I'm totally going to try it!

Maybe I'll even start tomorrow morning, with that bottle of safflower oil that I bought for the soup. I will keep you all updated, in gruesome detail.

What else. My birthday is on Wednesday. I have decided to celebrate through gluttony. Here is my agenda for the day:
1) Arrive at work; buy a breakfast burrito, or a sausage-egg-and-cheese bagel, or something like that, from the little cafe on the street. I have always wanted to get an artery-clogging breakfast from that place, and on Wednesday, I shall. Ooh, I wonder if they have hash browns.
2) After work, eat a junior cheeseburger and some fries at the downtown Five Guys. Bonus: My 'rents gave Ryan a Five Guys gift card for Christmas, so this part will be free free super free.
3) Go to the E St. Cinema and see 'The Orphanage,' which promises to be my very favorite, and that most rare, kind of entertainment: A horror/suspense movie that doesn't blow completely.
4) Consume popcorn, Junior Mints and soda at said movie.

Ta da! At first I thought I wanted to celebrate my birthday by going out to a nice dinner, just me and Ryan, at one of those fancy downtown restaurants that I always read about on Wednesday afternoons, when I am cramming salad into my mouth and reading Tom Sietsma's chat. But who am I kidding? That is not me. This is me. I'm v. excited. I haven't even told you about the indulgences I've got planned for the weekend.